Dear 2005,

Words here will probably outlive me in the blogospheric wilderness. Thank you for the highs and lows. I am also ever grateful for everything good/balanced that has come my way and for all these that you have given me.

Films: 빈집 (3 Iron), 김기덕 Kim Di-duk; Cafe Lumiere《咖啡时光》, 侯孝賢 Hou Hsiao Hsien; いま、会いにゆきます (Be With You) , 土井裕泰 Nobuhiro Doi
Gigs : DJ Craze, DJ Marky
Best Interview: Kid Koala

5 Tunes to round you up:
(Race for the Prize), Flaming Lips
(High Noon), DJ Shadow
(In-between Days), The Cure
(Doing the Unstuck), The Cure
(It's the End of the World as We Know It and I Feel Fine), REM

Thanks for giving me the words. While I look forward to Makoto playing at Home while you degenerate and morph into 2006, this post shall cement itself as the last entry here.

*Weak smile*

I am grateful for small things in life. I don't usually check out the CineClub screenings at Alliance Francaise and it was a really pleasant surprise to know that they are screening a film that I have waited four years to catch on the big screen again.

(Princes et Princesses) by Michel Ocelot. Silhouette animation.

As much as I am tempted to put the picture up here, I am resisting and I am deciding to keep my blog clean.

20 December 8pm. Merci Beaucoup.

For lunch today, I had (Heard It All Before Remix) DJ Marky vs Sunshine Anderson - repeat.

Yes it's Dego (4 Hero) this Friday. Too many events, too little time.

实...

The Beautiful Noise.

I am referring to drum 'n' bass. I always find it ironic that such cacophony actually calms me down so much.

Nevermind that I was tired. I held on until 4.30am. Towards the end, he played those tunes that really made me smile.

Thank you Marky.

It isn't happening. The switch. After holding my breath for so long, my face is now blue. Why is it so difficult for me? I have been in this situation for four years now. Other than swallowing my pride to go on, is there something I can do to ease myself?

So why I am struggling? Because of my stubborn refusal to "play the game"? Or is it simply just bad karma? The harsh truth is that the modern workplace rewards good perception management.
I have seen people knowing and doing much lesser than me who are getting their rewards. Here I am not looking for any reward of any sort but I have actually been cast into a bad light.

No, I am not jealous. I am just bitter. Sometimes I feel so stripped of my dignity that I just get all wound up and convulse. I am sure the boat is not going to turn around and I probably have no choice but to choose to leave.

I often wonder if there's really a price to everything. Especially at the workplace. How much is one's dignity worth? Is there really a thing as respect?

Anyway, it's decided that I would be flying to Japan to see red leaves in Kyoto come early November. I have been lucky enough to go to Japan in spring to see cherry blossoms in full bloom and I would never have imagined that I would be going to Japan again within the same year.

A day at a time and counting down for now...

After three interviews, two reasoning tests and a mind-boggling personality test. I am holding my breath...

I grew up from a poor family. Since young, I have always identifed myself as part of the "proleteriat".

I still feel the same now. I never clamoured to be the really rich and famous. In my course of work, part of it is learning and understanding the lifestyles of the well-off (or the "privileged"). My own preoccupation with my own social status has always made me feel awkward. This same preoccupation has always bothered me - as a school-going kid, through my teenage years and now when I am actually a working executive (I always thought that this term is really obscene). Sometimes I think my own bitterness and cynicism probably stemmed from this.

Can I really still identify myself as the "proleteriat"? I have been asking myself. Not that I make alot but my salary now is more than my folks' total household income.

Yes, it's almost 11 now and I am still slogging in the office. Then it's struck me that perhaps I am part of the "new proleteriat". The neo-working class. The type that has to dress up in a shirt/tie everyday and "observe the corporate protocol" while the truth is that I could be told to leave anytime. Many some of disagree and dismiss this as total crap, but I know the real risks - I could be made redundant anytime and I am sure there will come a time when we are slogging really hard just to hang on to dear work life. Recently, two very senior people from ex-workplace were given the golden handshake. Not because they were bad at what they do - in fact they both were very impressive managers in their own right each serving more than seventeen years in a global company. Now in their forties and having young children, I really hope they will go on to find something new.

I had been "in-between" jobs before and I really know how it feels like. It's probably worse if you have monthly repayments for the roof over your head or "other commitments".

That's why I have always strived to keep things simple and not try to over-extend myself. For those two people I have mentioned, both of them had always spend their time valuable time coaching me in my formative "work-years" and I am always grateful to them for that.

There were times when I really wonder if I should stop writing in this blog altogether. I guess the time has come again for me to ponder about the reasons for writing.

Why am I writing? Who am I writing for? If I were to stop, should I delete this blog? Who's reading this? Does this blog make any difference in other people's lives?

Why am I writing?
I really have no freaking idea. I think I lead such split lives with different personas at work, at home, with friends, with family, with extended family, with strangers, with Film Society folks, with acquaintances etc. Now, I must come to realise that my blog persona is actually just another of those extended split lives that I am living. My real life is nothing more that a messy culmulation of everything. Messy because all the conflicting mindsets of the different personas are trapped in one living body.

Is this just an outlet for me? To spell out all the rhetorical questions for myself? To belt out what my heart wants to say but I can never tell anyone?

Who am I writing for?
No answers for this. My blog rarely talks about people to begin with. Simply because of the fact that doing so wouldn't serve a purpose. I just feel that I should respect the privacy of others and that's why this blog is very much only centred on me.

It seldom has names. There's mostly only my feelings/opinions, places, events and inconsequential things like film or music.

Should I delete this blog if I were to stop?
"I read your blog sometimes because this is the only way that I will know that you are okay" -
So should I? Is this blog supposed to be a wrinkle in my time?

"Six million ways to die, choose one" (Gangsta Shit) DJ Cam

How does going to a drum 'n' bass gig give one lessons about branding?

I have never seen Home being so packed before. Is it because Goldie was playing? Suddenly, I see lotsa people whom I have never seen at other drum 'n' bass gigs before. Is this good or bad, I really have no idea. Yes, I do hope that the drum 'n' bass scene gets more supporters and that our folks from Home get some decent cover charges to cover the cost of bringing Goldie in (I am sure he's not cheap). On the other, I wonder if the club would ever be filled like that if Guerilla, Subvert or Exitmusik folks were playing? The following has always been small even though Singapore has seen the lights of acts like Concord Dawn, 4 Hero (yes, at defunct Fantasy Island), London Elektricity, Aphrodite and Mickey Finn.

Hang on, Goldie is not just another DJ. Goldie is a brand. Goldie is "the superstar drum 'n' bass DJ" (He had a role in a James Bond movie). You can't go wrong with that Metalheadz logo can you?

I must say that the tees that the service crew were wearing are really neat. Three cheers for Home.

Japanese summer in Singapore. This is my fourth time at the Bon Odori (Japanese Summer Festival).

It's an event which I look forward to every year but attending this year's festival has seriously made me and my friends think about not going to another for good.

It's getting way to crowded - maybe only half the amount of people attended the very first Bon Odori that I went to. The queues for food is too long and the quality of the food has been compromised greatly to make up for speed. Why should we even bother anymore?

The highlight of Bon Odori is the summer dance around the stage. The songs and the dance steps are the same every year. This year, I just couldn't feel the magic anymore. Tate I am growing old? Tabun I am more jaded now? Wakanai.

Can't help but to feel a little sad over the fact that I have outgrown Bon Odori. Maybe all good things in life come to an end.

Yes, it's Goldie playing in Singapore. For all the drum 'n' bass fans who's been holding their breath, it's finally happening.

It's always difficult to score for a recorded interview with the "superstar" DJs hence it's within my expectations that it wouldn't be happening. I am sure that the fee to bring him in would been hefty and kudos to those people who made it happen.

This man created alot of impact on the whole genre but to cast my cynicism aside, I really hope he bothers to play a good set.

Sometimes I really think that whats worse than getting 'No' is not even getting an answer at all.

What happens if you discover that you have a fundamental weakness/flaw that prevents you from achieving true greatness and that you could never overcome it?

It's interesting how we could have got two DMC World champions in town over a span of a few days. Just one day after interviewing A-trak, I found myself with DJ Craze who holds the honour of winning three titles back to back. This is also the first time I am doing back to back interviews with DJs from different gigs and different clubs.

This is really good timing, as I plotted to have this angle - asking two DMC winners identical questions and doing a "double-deal". Since both of them are close friends in the DJ world, I have decided to spice it up by making known to both of them that each of them would be answering the same set of questions.

It's meeting people like Craze that makes me feel that I should continue doing this for as long as I can even if no one ever reads the damned interviews that I do. He was honest, fun and straightforward. This has got to go in as the shortest interview that I have done but it's one of the most satisfying as well.

The Flow Show at DXO has upping their gears. After watching Kid Koala there few weeks earlier, we now have A-trak in town. A-trak was the famous kid (see my earlier post on Thursday, 23 September, 2004) who won the Technics World DMC title when he was fifteen - the age when you weren't even legally allowed to enter a club.

Kid Koala
It's not hard to see why he's such a great DJ, you can really feel how happy he was when he's on with his decks. I always believe that you have to enjoy what you are doing first in order to make others enjoy it too. There were certain parts of his set when the sheer intensity brought on the goose bumps and some wetness in my eyes. Who else would have incorporated film score of (The Last Emperor) and opening theme of (Weird Science) in a showcase?

I had alot of fun interviewing him. He was surprised that someone in Singapore was chatting with him about how his records got stolen in France and how Ninjatune offered a reward of the entire catalogue of their releases if someone returned his records. Singaporeans might find it strange that his favourite movie is (Forever Fever). And yes, Eric San (Kid Koala) is Chinese.

More than just a DJ, he also did a book of his own drawings called Nufonia Must Fall.

A-trak
Like Kid Koala, he's Canadian too. Winning the holy grail of turntablism will mean that one could make a comfortable living just by DJ-ing all over the world. It's been eight years since he last won the title at the age of fifteen and people will still remember him as the youngest person to ever win the title at the tender age of fifteen.

Not trying to discount his skills on the wheels of steel but he didn't seem to show much joy or emotions in his set. Perhaps fearing that the crowd might not have been to pleased with watching turntable tricks, he chose to put on party tunes and kept the routine to a minimum. Though he did show what he's made of when he went crazy on the decks right at the end.

He's seriously jet-lagged but I am glad I got enough out of him to do the a special DMC feature for next month. He will also be the one whom I had the worst picture that I had ever taken together with a DJ.

Coincidence? Just when I wrote about wanting to watch (The Wayward Cloud)《天边一朵云》 for next year's SIFF, Cathay actually decided to bring it in.

I haven't been out for the past three weekends. Was just happy getting holed up at home watching DVDs that I borrowed from Esplanade library. Been trying to borrow a mixture of different types of film but it's very skewered towards old Samurai movies (lots of old Zatoichi films and trying to re-watch Yojimbo and some Kurosawa classics) recently.

It felt like such a luxury just to be able to stay home and not do anything else because weekdays are just littered with mad concentration trying to get work done.

In order to maximise my time outside the house, I arranged to watch two films back to back and then rush to the Atrak gig at DXO right after that. It's The (Wayward Cloud)《天边一朵云》 followed by (Be With You).

The Wayward Cloud《天边一朵云》
I really don't know if I can think of all three films as a trilogy or whether the director had originally intended for it. It's interesting to note that all three films were very different from one another. I do feel that this closely mirrors life as it's really possible that we could really be living very differently at every different minute.

If one pieced all the films together it becomes one wide story but it appears that most people who watched it probably only knew of this particular film due to the media attention it's received. As film lover, it disappointed me some way that masses only caught on because it touched on pornography. Would they have appreciated the earlier films and all their subtle messages in each of them?

The previous two films had all touched me in different ways. Personally, I really didn't like the way it ended. For the all the build-up to the "climax" (pun intended), the truth is that I found it totally anti-climatic. However, not liking the ending doesn't mean that I do not appreciate the film. I am second guessing that it could have been deliberate to have an ending to have it as an anti-climax. Perhaps only Tsai Ming Liang will know.

Be With You (Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu)
The biggest reason why I had chose to come out alone to catch this is because I knew I would cry. I have never been uncomfortable about shedding tears. But being around someone I know will put me at risk of being judged (no matter how little) and all crying really means to me is that I am getting in touch with my own feelings.

It felt good, just to be able to let go and be natural. Tears are as natural as breathing.

Without trying to place too much emphasis on the metaphysical aspects of the film, I really liked it. I will put this film on par with another favourite that I had seen this year - Kim Di-duk's 3 Iron (Bin Jip).

I had learnt that someone I knew has a grave illness now and it's saddened me greatly. That night when I was home after hearing the news, I put (Winter) on auto-repeat so that the pianos would be able to lead me into slumber.

I have alot of respect for this person, not because he's someone who leads a company but because he's someone who has been very honourable, humble and sincere. I have utmost respect for him not just as an individual but also as a father to four really cute children.

It's really sad because he was someone who was very active and cheerful. This is a reminder of how destiny can choose to deal a really heavy hand to anyone of us.

And the last conversation I had with him was how I preferred Kimi's driving to all the other drivers in the BMW F1 team. Now I really just hope that he will be able to recover soon.

After a really busy stretch, the workload is slightly more manageable now.

I have never felt the need to be so alone in my life before.

There's this marketing partner whom I used to work with way back and we ended up being friends as time went by. She was kind enough to ask me out for "drinks" (I am a zero-alcohol person hence the " ") and she close a popular place near my office. It was packed and everyone looked happy and so ready to party even though it's a Wednesday's night.

I felt bad that I had to excuse myself after an hour because I had to get back to the office to get some work done. But I also realised that I actually just wanted to be left to my own devices...

I have never been afraid of loneliness or being seen "being alone". I have gone to clubs by myself, to screenings by myself and even to concerts by myself. I remember times when I went on for months being by myself while some would embarassed even to be seen doing something by themselves.

And I am writing this while Accuradio is playing Radiohead's (How to Disappear Completely).

This is not a professional film review, but by someone who caught the film as a normal film-goer. This part rung on me...

On (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind),

"What I really admire about the movie is the theme of it, and that is that just because a relationship doesn't work out in the end, it doesn't mean that it was time wasted. Sure, there are certain memories we wish would go away somehow, but how would that change us as a person if we could do such a thing? We learn from our experiences; from the good and the bad. That's how we mature as human-beings..."

So what's "keeping it real"?

Ice-T talking about "keeping it real". What's real? He's no longer in the ghettos and I am sure he commands a huge fee for his little visit to Zouk. Why's he talking about bitches, about what kinda sex he's getting and "need for some serious pussy"? Would it be "real" if you were still living "straight outta Compton" (pun intended) and not deciding to cut an album while "some bitch is rimming your ***". Would you still make music for free if we told you that was what "keeping it real" meant to us?

Yes, maybe it will never be the same because Hip-hop is the most popular musical genre on planet earth now. "Keeping it real" with all that money, fame and women?

I am not pissed that he declined all interviews (including MTV and Straits Times) as I wouldn't know if he would have anything meaningful to say anyway.

喜中带忧,暗中有光
怎么度,怎么量
田野
山岗
美丽之下的凄凉

(无常) 王菲

Beautifully oxymoronic.

Another carpark rooftop party. The last rooftop party was at Shaw (Beach Road), the heat and humidity really put the crowd off. Since the venue wasn't really meant for partying, the crowd's dancing made the concrete floor vibrate. It really made alot of people feel like the ground was going to give way and they will all die in the Singapore's first and worst clubbing disaster.

This time round, they installed giant fans and the ground below didn't wobble. It felt surreal - when you stare upwards from the top deck of the Market Street carpark. This feeling of you being surrounded by all the other tall buildings and music. This concrete jungle.

The music was a throwback to all the parties I used to go to in the mid-nineties. That bigbeat sound. You will almost never hear (Voodoo People) in a DJ set these days but it came on.

Maybe Bentley Rythmn Ace (BRA) aren't the best DJs around, but I had good fun. Their mixing wasn't top class but the tunes made up for it. And the big surprise was that Freestylers chose to do a liveset instead.

I haven't been going out for lunch for much of the week. Just feel like staying in the office to blog. I must say that I have really grown to like the peace and quiet stillness.

While I was thinking of Ozu's quote yesterday, it bought back memories of (Cafe Lumiere)《咖啡时光》, film by Hou Hsiao Hsien 侯孝賢 to mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of director Yasujiro Ozu. To me, what's so amazing about the film is that it's in Japanese and shot entirely in Japan directed by a Taiwanese director who doesn't even know the Japanese language. By concieving such a film, he demonstrated that he understood Ozu's work - mainly films about winds of change in the Japanese society and how it impacts the modern Japanese family.

Beneath the subtleness of the film through it's long takes and exquisite cinematography lies the unexpressed yet imposing intensity of human relationships (friendship, family ties).

Definitely not a film for the masses, but this film touched me a great deal. I had grown to hold this film very close to my heart as the subject matter depicted in the film was played out in my real life just weeks after catching it. Though I will not openly talk about the events that surrounded my life but it had a great deal to do with Japan and such strong (and uncanny) resemblance to the main theme of the film. It was then when I both realised and appreciated how "apparent" the film was.

No, I didn't just want to watch this just because of Tadanobu Asano.

This ain't written by me. It's written by someone else over eleven years ago.

... on people.

A lot of us are just skimming the surface of life, colliding with one another but afraid to connect, afraid to care. If we lose all our money we can always start over. But if we get hurt, that's another story.

How true is that?

Waking up early to finish transcribing the Kid Koala interview. I must not let my emotions get in the way of doing a good job for what I love. Even if no one reads it, at least I have done my best.

I hope that they will give me more time so that I can write a proper blurb for Nowax.

Wanting to watch (The Skywalk is Gone)《天桥不见了》 (Tsai Ming Liang 蔡明亮's sequel to (What Time Is It There?)《你那边几点》), I had to sit through the docu-movie May Day The Wings Of Dream《五月天的搖滾本事》 because the SIFF folks lumped the two shows together.

That was how I first heard May Day 五月天's music. Sad to say, the so-called docu-movie was so self-promotional in nature so the only thing I appreciated about it was the music.

That's also how I got acquainted with 《终结孤单》.

I really can't wait to catch the bizarre ending - the installment after (The Skywalk is Gone)《天桥不见了》 titled (The Wayward Cloud)《天边一朵云》 during next year's SIFF.

《终结孤单》

你就把你自己锁起来,实在是太不应该
心情好心情坏,怎么开始怎么办
你有的不爽,让我来分担
everything gonna be alright
tomorrow will be fine
太阳依然灿烂,地球继续转
有我的陪伴,你再也不孤单
music!

五月天

Books, music and film - my dear friends. This is the time that I need you guys the most...

The very first CD I have ever bought in my life is the single of this song. I have had the CD for twelve years now.

Through the most difficult times of my emotional life in the past ten years, I've always had this song around me. Just yesterday, I ripped it and put the MP3 on auto-repeat. Yes, this tune is going to find it's way into my Ipod.

I am not embarassed to admit now that there were two people that I sang my very own "unplugged" version to. You know who you are... I am quite certain that there wouldn't be a third person...

Stay (Faraway, So Close!)

Green light, Seven Eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now, check your change
Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Hey babe, is that what it is

Red lights, gray morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depends on who's around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk shows

And if you look, you look through me
And when you talk, you talk at me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...and the day would keep its trust
Stay...and the night would be enough

Faraway, so close
Up with the static and the radio
With satellite television
You can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans
London, Belfast and Berlin

And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...then the day would keep its trust
Stay...with the demons you drowned
Stay...with the spirit I found
Stay...and the night would be enough

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground

Just the bang
And the clatter
As an angel
Hits the ground

Faraway, So Close! is actually a film by Wim Wenders, a sequel to Wings Of Desire. When my heart has room for it, I will watch the DVD of both the films.

The angel has hit the ground...

Nowax in Singapore

I really hope that this becomes the next big thing. If you haven't read about it - www.nowax.co.uk

I actually feel a little embarassed now when I thought of how overly enthusiastic I was. It was really fortunate that I had good company with me and a really nice dinner before that. Big shame on me for not knowing where Cocco Latte was. I was surprised how intimate and cosy the place was. It didn't feel like there were alot of people that when I first got there at 10.

Maybe "overly enthusiastic" would have been an understatement. At 10 sharp, I was already looking out for other like-minded people to maybe start queuing up eagerly, waiting to plug their Ipods in. There were none! On the contrary, everybody else seemed with comfortable whatever company they had. I even had my digital camera with me to take pictures of myself and other participants for the very first Nowax night in Singapore.

It was only at about 10.20pm when someone finally appeared over the DJ console. Finally the Nowax visuals were flashed on the screen, I got up with my Ipod and started talking to him about Nowax. Then he asked if I wanted to kick the night off and the rest was history. So the very first song to grace a Nowax night is (Seeds) by Smith and Mighty.

I could only play whatever that was already in my Ipod because I couldn't transfer what I prepared for Nowax as I stupidly left my cables in the office. Before I left Cocco Latte, it seemed like there were only three others that came up to ask to plug their tunes on.

My choices:
(Seeds) - Smith and Mighty (feat. Kelz)
(Unfinished Symphony, Perfecto Mix) - Massive Attack
(A Day In The Life) - Handsome Boy Modeling School (feat. AG, Mars Volta, RZA)
(101 Pianos (I' ve Put Out The Lights)) - Lewis Parker
(I've Been Thinking) - Cat Power
(Deception) - Blackalicious

There were two girls who played really interesting tracks which I never heard before. There was a very interesting version of (White Lines) played that really astounded me.
I could only hope that people would like what I played because I sincerely believed that the whole idea of Nowax is for people to share tunes that weren't ubiqitious. Sure, anyone could have loaded their Ipods with "winners" to bring the house down.

It also turned out that the guy manning the console owns the place. They are looking to see if they could host another Nowax next month. I am hoping for more people and more tunes.

No wax? No problem.

Have I forgotten how to write an entry? I hope not...

I feel like a one-way street now and that I should only be good enough for exile.

I have been so weary...

It's not likely that there would be much updates... If there are, it's probably going to be all over the place.

I feel like a part of (Fake Plastic Trees)

If there's a most enjoyable weekend for 2004, this one's got to be it.

Having to clear my leave, I took leave for Friday. The joy of being able to play basketball in the afternoon! Had good games under the the lunch-hour hot sun. In the late afternoon was my spa appointment. It's nice just to be able to be all alone by myself at the jaccuzi pool (with spa jet!). A little time for me to recollect and introspect. After rejuvenating myself, I had good old Nasi Lemak from Adam Road Food Centre. Simple joys.

I was there to watch our own Singaporean turntablists slug it out with each other for Technics DMC Championship. Watching such competitions always bring back the same old feeling - how I can never be up there. I was happy for the fact that someone I knew won it by sheer merit. His set was well-timed, well practised and most importantly - it rocked the crowd. There has been this long standing argument about turntablism on the balance of technical deck skills versus rocking the crowd. The purist turntablist will always stress technical skills over every other thing. So DJ Rattle would be on his way to London for the DMC World Championship. It's quite worrying that a huge gulf exists between the two best turntablists (i.e DJ Rattle and last year's winner DJ Koflow) and the rest of the pack. That means that the average standard of turntablist DJs hasn't increase over the years. One guy who used to enjoy this actually sold off all his equipment and vinyls, citing 'no time for practice'. Reality as it is, we would never have our very own A-trak (boy who won the DMC at age of 15) who clocks in twelve hours on decks everyday before he became the champion.

I still remember how I actually got to know the winner. I was shopping at Queensway Shopping Centre and I stumbled upon this shop and the people running the shop were actually watching a video on battling DJs. Though I didn't buy anything, we started a conversation about our favourite turntablist DJs and that's how we became friends. There is actually a pair of decks in the shop and he clocks in his hours on the decks everyday at times when there are no customers or after shopping hours. I think it's a blessing for him that the owner of the shop (his boss) actually supports him by allowing him to hone his skills while he works for him. Occasionally, I will find myself chatting with the both of them for hours when I do drop by Queensway. I am glad that all the hours of practice has brought him something in return.

How can that be so much evil in this world?!

Thievery Corporation is coming to Singapore to play a gig. Heineken Green Room Sessions of 29th Septemeber.

If you look at the post on Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - you will know that I have met two of those on the list!

Bodycount for the year:

Richie Hawtin
Afrika Bambaataa
Martin Solvieg
Jazzanova
DJ Cam
Josell Ramos (director for Maestro), never got published
Peter Kruder
James Zabiela
Lo-Fidelity Allstars
Kid Loco
Cash Money

Ten is definitely better than last year's haul. I remembered how I told myself that I have to continue to do this because this is the only way for me to involve myself in the scene in some way or another. I am not the coolest person around and I definitely cannot spin to save my life. Contributing interviews is really the only thing I could do.

So many things have zipped by me and I have not been able to put them down into words. Unlike the past, there has to be two requisites before I can even start blogging. Firstly, I have got to have time and I have got to be in a writing mood. I will make time if I am in a blogging mood so I guess it does boil down to the moods.

How am I even going to start? I think I have reached the point where I need to connect with some of the simpler things in life. I have gone back to playing basketball. Played quite a bit over the few days over the long weekend. In fact, I didn�t venture outside of the house other than to go play basketball. It felt really good just being able to go shoot some hoops. It doesn�t matter that I can�t play like what I could as compared to ten years ago.

The view has never changed and I realised that it�s been a while since I last sat there. I really cannot describe the feeling of contentment I had when I just rested on the bench next to the court staring at the outline of the flats in the neighbourhood. The warm feeling of familiarity nudged against a haunting feeling of loss that I could never really grasp. It�s ironical how such feelings are not mutually exclusive and the amalgamation results in this bittersweet mishmash.

Why the feeling of loss? What have I lost? Is it a part of me? I feel it but I could never shape it.

All in all, the whole National Day weekend made me feel extremely contented. I felt like I could almost ask myself, "What more could I have asked for?"

We will never be able to see Orbital play live in Singapore. Gone are also the hopes of me ever interviewing them.

Can't quite believe that they chose to split. Especially since it's a duo made up of two brothers.

Never really had the peace of mind to come in here to drop a line or two.

I think some people might find it unbeilevable that I chose Cash Money in favour of Sasha. I had initially agreed to do Sasha but I felt like I just had to do Cash Money when I found out that he's coming here to play. He's coming on when Zouk's hosting the annual Technics DMC championship. It should be apparent now that I have a greater love for turntablism as compared to trance.

How can I miss Cash Money? Philly DJ who won the World DMC title and subsequently got banned from entering the competition ever again. Hall of Fame inductee. Enough said.

Sorry Sash, though I would have asked you about what goes on between you and James Zabiela if I ever had to do you.

Never thought that one day, I would be catching Lo-Fidelity Allstars in Singapore.
Rushed down to Gallery Evason hotel in a cab to meet up with Lo-Fidelity Allstars and Kid Loco for interviews. Although the reviews of past concerts, past interviews have notoriously branded the band as "a riot" - they were suprisingly laidback folks who made good conversations. We spoke about them touring America, about Euro, footie etc. Really nice.
This was what really hit me. When I wanted them to sign on my copy of the album (How to Operate a Blown Mind), I told that them my favourite track was (I Used To Fall in Love, see post on Tuesday, November 12, 2002). Then we got into this huge conversation about how it was their favourite tune too and how how the track was made.
Apparently, they had Wrekked Train (vocalist) signing through a PA speaker!
They mentioned that it was a one-off because everything went right when they recorded that track. They would never be able to pull it off again if they had to redo it.Kid Loco kept talking about weed and alcohol. I think I have had enough with interviewing French DJs.

I have about three months left on my current contract, I am on a mission to save up a sum of money in case I go into a "unemployment hiatus" again.

Other than the fact that my job is not really stable, I am pretty contented with my life right now. My folks are healthy and kicking. I have nice colleagues at my workplace. I have got company of good friends. Even though I don't make big money, I don't go places, and I don't have four wheels; I am really contented with what I already have.

Not forgetting that there's always good books and music around.

James Zabiela is the very first DJ whom I have interviewed after the DJ set and on a Sunday night.

Called his hotel room to see if he's okay to have me interview him if I came by his hotel at about 9.00pm.

He came down with his girlfriend but in all fairness, she let us have our privacy and we did the interview at the couches just outside Pontini.

Very fine young man with good manners. I think he's one of the nicest DJs that I have met considering he's already quite well-known in the DJ circuit. We spent quite a bit of time chatting about other stuff - the place he lives (Southampton), Transformers and about him being on the road all the time.

It's interesting to note that Mr Zabiela doesn't have a car back home...

The first DJ to hold the dubious honour of having me watch him play in two different countries.

DJ Cam.

DJ Cam played in The Kee Club in Hong Kong while I was there over the weekend. I actually wrote to the club to see if they would let me interview him from Hong Kong but they didn't even bother to reply. It's hard not to see why when I was there myself.

The Kee Club is a members-only club but they allowed people to get on their "guest invite" list if they emailed them in advance. Truth is that you had to queue at their miserable ground floor (club's on the sixth floor) entrance and they admitted you as they like it. There were people who looked cool (yes, mostly women) or ang-mohs who were admitted through a different queue without having to do anything.

After waiting for about twenty minutes, my friend was getting impatient and as a last resort, I spoke to the bouncer( this european guy). Told him that I was from Singapore, and I was there to look for the tour manager (yes, I name-threw DJ Cam's tour manager's name). I added that since it's only us two guys, why not? I was pretty surprised that he let us in! Especially since I really did look like trash. My friend asked me how I did it, I just said that I just spoke to him nicely.

The club is a cozy, nicely decorated club (lotsa velvet). DJ Cam was letting off the old-skool Hip-hop classics and I am very sure that I will almost hear the same tracks when he heads for Singapore in four days time (just how many records can he bring with him right?).

Met up with him and his irritating friend at Zouk's conference room. Not the greatest of interviews that I have done but I am sure I will make it turn out okay in print. Stayed till about 2.00am for his set.

And yes, not all clubbers are created equal. Same holds true for the clubs too.

My first taste of budget airlines. The fare was okie but I believe the bigger airlines will match it anyway.

The plane was small but I guess there are advantages of being small. You waste less time getting on and off the plane. There is no in-flight entertainment of any sort (Sorry, the stewardesses don't even look cute). The seat covers are leather instead of usual. Meals came in a paper box and they served miserable portions. Nasi Lemak in the sky? Yes, that's budget airlines for you. They would be your thing if all you want is to get from point A to point B for a little lesser. I don't think budget airlines are that cheap anyway. It's just one giant hoax and let's see which airline is left standing at the end of it all.

Newton Hotel is where I put up. Convenient place with MTR station just across the road (Fortress Hill Station).

Hong Kong, welcome back.

On the post made on Wednesday, November 12, 2003, I listed Kruder and Dorfmeister as those whom I would want to meet/interview. I managed to meet up with one of half of K&D.

Peter Kruder was in town to spin for the Green Room sessions at Velvet. I did not arrange to interview him but I managed to meet up with him. Not that it's important but he looked much cuter in real life than on sleeves of K&D CDs. It's interesting how he really dug The Observatory when we got him to "taste" some music. We did not tell him the "who/what/when/where/how"s the tracks we selected for him. So, this is proof that good music is good music regardless of where it's made.

He eventually got the CD as a token of appreciation - someday the world might get to experience an Observatory track in one of his DJ sets!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where does this all lead to? When does it all end?

Haven't been blogging much because I haven't been really been in the blogging mood.


I am blogger bozo basically. Other than logging on to write out a blog - I know nothing about fixing up fancy templates (hence I had to make do with this ugly template), uploading pictures, installing comment boxes (yes, what I wouldn't know wouldn't hurt me anyway) or web counters. As a result, I will never be able to know how many people actually visit this blog. Although sometimes I feel like nobody really bothers about this blog and that it's more like an outlet for myself, I have been proven wrong by this particular incident.


"Hi, this is my friend XYZ. XYZ, meet HP" HP!?!? Yes, I have actually been introduced by a casual acquaintance to another person as HP! Well done. My blogging persona has become larger than my life.

One close colleague and friend of mine has actually asked me to "DJ" at her post-ROM party. The venue has yet to be decided.

I am quite flattered really. I have been colleagues with her for about four years now over two different workplaces. She knows I listen to "non-mainstream" music (because I used to be able to play music over at my last workplace) and I am pretty astonished by the fact that she trusts me to pick music for her! What if I pick drum 'n' bass tracks by Goldie that threaten to tear the house down?

This is how I am going to approach it: from now until two weeks before the party, I will compile whatever songs I can think of. My target is about one hundred tracks. In good spirit, I am going to try picking a variety of tracks across different musical genres rather than choose the "safe" ones (like how I could buy up the whole Hotel Costes series and play them back-to-back but that would be so wrong). I would try to let her listen to them and pick before burning them onto a CD before the party, so my job on that nite is to sequence them according to the mood of the party (and slot in some "surprises" for her).

The first track that came to my mind was - (Trying To Throw Your Arms Around The World) by U2.

The ROM-party Song Registry (not in order of merit)
1.(Trying To Throw Your Arms Around The World) - U2
2.(So Com Voce) - Thievery Corporation
3.(Fade Into You) - Mazzy Star
4.(Sometimes Always) - Jesus and Mary Chain
5.(Aurora) - Veruca Salt
6.(Oh Baby!) - Siouxsie and The Banshees
7.(Forever) - Siouxsie and The Banshees
8.(Evening Rain) - Toshifumi Hinata
9.(Time Flies) - Orbital
10.(Near Wild Heaven) - R.E.M
11.(Theme from Control Centre) - The Herbaliser
12.(Can't Take My Eyes Off You) - Morten Harket
13.(My October Symphony) - Pet Shop Boys
14.(Lullaby) - The Cure
15.(Not Enough Time) - INXS
16.(Harder) - Kosheen
17.(Unfinished Symphony) - Massive Attack
18.(Xxplosive) - Dr Dre
19.(Carnival) - The Cardigans...

I believe that everyone has a weakness in the retail realm. For some people it's CDs, for others it's toys. For me, my weakness has always been denim and shoes.

I can't believe that I just shelled out $400 over on two pairs of jeans. I remembered how defeated I felt when I found out that every single pair of Levis' Red Loop 510 Saddle Stitch was sold out (my size). So how could I ever resist when I found out they just restocked it?

Courtesy of my brother, I managed to land a pair of Levis' N3BP dark rinse jeans. He told me that that Levis' store he visited was the only one in Taiwan that stocked it. Prior to the launch in Hong Kong, Japan was the only country to have it.

This denim double-whammy really burnt a hole in my pocket. And I am still pondering - on whether I should get that pair of Nike Air Alphas...

And of course, this year's Film Festival will probably be the only one in my lifetime where I get to see my name flashed out in the credits of one of the films. And to mention the dubious honour of having my name in the credits and actually not appearing in the feature at all (That scene ended up in the cutting room floor...).

It's actually quite a surreal feeling... to see your name appearing the credits in a dark cinema when the film ends.

I got the movie's poster with the director's signature. It will be a keepsake for me.

I just counted all the ticket stubs. I caught eighteen shows in total for this year's Singapore International Film Festival. This is quite a far cry from the past. In 2001 it was forty shows, thirty-seven shows for 2002 and twenty-eight for 2003.

This year, I realised that I no longer have that vitality to withstand catching four or five shows a day (my record was six in a day, which I don't think many people can claim that). I was a little morose from this realisation. I missed out on a few good shows because I just couldn't bring my body to walk into the cinema again. My greatest regret this year is not catching Guimba, Fear of Intimacy and Yolngu Boy.

And the best film I have caught for this year's festival is the opening film - Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring.

I have reacquainted myself with Siouxsie and The Banshees.

This is the right time as it becomes the music that surrounds itself around this year's SIFF. For the entire week, the music from that album has being ringing non-stop in my head.

Three different groups have sat in the car and they have all pleasantly surprised by the album. For them, they know that the music is definitely not new, but it doesn't sound old to them either. All of them have asked who I played, some have even bobbed their head along with it. It's surprised how music produced about fifteen to twenty years ago still sounds refreshing to people. For me, it's rediscovering why I still love the band so much.

And I just wonder, how come they don't produce music like that anymore? Music which can stand the test of time (at least in my terms). For others, it's like an awareness issue, people don't get to enjoy more than they should because they are not aware of the total universe of good stuff out there. Alot depends on luck in being at the right place and the right time for you to be able to discover more of that total universe and in that sense, I have been luckier than most people.

Twice Upon A Time - The Singles. That's the name of the album.

Yes, the annual celluloid orgy is here. 17th Singapore International Film Festival.

I always have this wonderful feeling. This feeling like I am going to step into a wonderful carnival when I attend opening screenings of SIFF. When they darken the halls and play the FilmArt trailer, I often feel this tingling feeling surging over me - It feels make feel sad, relieved, happy, calm, comforted all at one go. This will be my sixth SIFF attendance and my fourth time attending the opening screening. For most years, the opening film usually end up getting my vote as the best film of that particular year's SIFF (strictly based on merit, I must stress).

The whole SIFF is a collective experience.

- You get to hang around Shaw Towers almost everyday for two weeks. It's a place which is quite forsaken by people during other times.
- There are groups or pockets of people in your life which you only get to meet once a year because they turn up for SIFF screenings. That's the only time when I actually get to catch up with them.
- It's comforting to be in the company of your friends who love film too. All the rushing around, quick meals in-between screenings. Although I have always tried to steer myself away from discussing film because I don't really like to discuss film. Film is quite personal for me.
- Every year's SIFF is always themed by music that appear in my life then. For SIFF in 2000 and 2001, it was Stereo MC's DJ Kicks. For 2002's SIFF, it was Return of the DJ Volume IV and it was The Cure's Disintegration for last year's SIFF. (There will be another post about the music that surrounds this year's SIFF)

This year's bodycount is pretty low. I have picked about sixteen films so far and place another fourteen on a standby list. My new job will probably prevent me from attending all the films that I have chosen so I am careful not to over-commit myself to my initial choices. I am also slowly realising that I can't really take catching five or six shows in one day and repeat doing so on the next day. It's quite tiring and I don't have that vitality like before.

Quality, not quantity.

There is this French person who wanted to borrow Humpback Oak's music from another friend of mine because he has heard The Observatory.

Yes, it's weird nation that I live in. A nation where most people don't feel proud and in most cases, ignorant about what they have, what they can offer and most importantly, the potential. Why do I feel strangely disenchanted when a foreigner becomes more interested in the music produced by Singaporeans than Singaporeans themselves?

For the uninformed - DJs from Singapore has been good to play alongside global names (Aldrin and Tony Tay played along James Lavelle at Womb in Tokyo). A Singaporean DJ will be playing for Renaissance (in London I think) very soon.

I have not been to other foreign film festivals but personally I believe that the SIFF is internationally recognised as a festival which is very well programmed especially with the budget it's got. If I am ever lucky enough to visit other overseas film festivals someday, I will definitely use the SIFF as a benchmark.

I hope Mr Cultural Attache is moved by the aching melancholy of Leslie's (Humpback Oak) voice and that he can safely tell his French friends that Singapore is not provincial at all.

Yes, I am going to stop talking about the office or work.

Catching up on blogging...

I have caught Zatoichi. Someone that I just got to know corrected the way I pronounced the movie's title. He was very polite about it though, "It's supposed to be "Zato (pause) ichi". He mentioned that he too, was corrected by someone else. We had gotten it wrong in the same way too.

Nonetheless, the movie was good enough. Life's not fair. Kitano managed to fuck around with many things and he's hailed as being "different". I don't think any other young (and unknown) directors would have gotten away with tampering with a period character. I was told that the original Zatoichi series (Zatoichi is a period drama serial) is very serious. Kitano managed to insert many comedic moments inside it and he made Zatoichi's hair blonde! This film is like a prelude to SIFF (Singapore International Film Festival) that starts next week.

Yes, and women still find Tadanobu Asano delicious in this movie.

Good news. Zatoichi is showing commercially. I will try to catch it this week before the Singapore International Film Festival starts.

The others

I don't neccessarily like the working environment despite the fact that I have a great boss and nice team members. The whole marketing is actually pretty huge and it's filled mostly with women. Before anyone can congratulate me, I think I should give a lowdown on what its really LIKE.

The women are hot. I can't deny that. They are pretty, well-dressed and they speak really well. I suppose if all of them went into a club, men will drop like flies on their feet. At the same time, they are also the prissy-types. If I ever need to speak to them, I will go speak to them in the most sterile manner ever - so that I can never be misinterpreted. The last thing you ever want is to have just one female disliking you for any perceived wrong-doing (keyword here is perceived). The next thing you know, you will be avoided like plague. Apparently, there are factions (cliques is too mild a word) even among the prissy-types so it's tricky for any newcomer - especially males. Somehow I do think that it would have made a big difference if I was some hot hunky guy. Unfortunately, hunk I am not.

It's a minefield out there, tread carefully I shall.

My boss

I think it's very important to have a good boss. Frankly, if anyone has asked me to choose between having a good boss and a couple of hundred bucks more, I would chose having a good boss without a blink of an eye. I think that most people who choose to leave their jobs are really leaving their bosses and not the job itself.

After reporting to two male bosses before, I am back to having a female boss. She's been really nice to me so far. She's the modern mother types - despite having two kids, she still parties and goes "part-toring" with her husband. How do I know? That because she tells us casually all the time. On an office day, she's like this impish girl who skips around in a trance of work.

More importantly, she's clear about what she wants and what needs to be done. This is a very important leadership skill apart from being a team player and knowing how to manage relationships with senior management on our behalf.

I really can't ask for more. I am really thankful.

There is so much I want to write but I don't have time!

I think this blog has become more like a zhuo(1) ji(4) (weekly diary).

The workplace.

The place I work in probably has one of the highest density of hot women in Singapore. Even a girl who is doing admin type of work puts in her best effort to dress well (nice shoes, stylish dressing and power suits). I haven't seen much badly dressed people at work except for the "foreign talent" which we hire "in bulk".

My cubicle doesn't give me much privacy but I don't really care. It's good that my team just shifted away from the main group so it's alot quieter. Silence is good for me to keep my focus and get work done.

The biggest surprise of all for me is the vending machine, which dispenses drinks at ten cents! It's definitely not helping my effort to stop being so reliant on coffee.

It's very important that the people in my team are nice. There is an ex-colleague of mine from my old place who is in my team as well so that helps me a great deal, especially when I need to tap into the grapevine to find out certain things about this organisation. The news I got is that another ex-colleague of mine is going to cross the chasm and join my team as well. There has been a mass exodus in the old organisation which I have work for. Does that mean anything?

Yes, I landed myself a job. It's with a competitor whom everybody else benchmarks against. The job is not going to be easy but it's something very interesting. I told many people around me that not many people get to do what I get to do in their marketing lifetimes. What touched me most was the support that I have got from my friends, ex-colleagues who are still at my old place and ex-colleagues who have now joined my other competitors when they found out that I have finally rejoined the industry once again.

Throughout the last three months, I have thought long and hard about leaving the industry for good. My old workplace caused me so much heartache that it really ate me up. But when this chance came along for me to come back in again it was too good to pass up. I knew what was required of me in this job and the money was better than what my old place offered me. I was hired on the spot with just one gruelling interview which lasted one hour and half.

So I have officially crossed the the three months mark.

I just recounted a conversation which I had with someone about being jobless. I don't know this person very well but I do know that he's quite overworked. At the end of the conversation, I told him that the biggest problem is that we can't really choose having the "acceptable amount of action". It's either no action at all (like the state I am in) and too much action (like him).

So what have I achieved in the last three months? Nothing.

The only good thing is that I managed to flush out all the negative feelings that I harboured over the last three years. All the anger that once consumed me is now gone. I do have this feeling that the world has zipped me by in the last three months and so much have happened while I remained static.

Maybe it's good for me that I had foreseen this so that I would have built up a little nest egg to last me for some time. I can see how if a person who doesn't have saving ended up being retrenched. The state of joblessness could easily have reduced a person in a spineless creature who lacks confidence. And I belong to that five percent statistic now waiting to cross over to the other side.

Wish me luck.

Two interesting films that I have caught lately. Not your Hollywood types

Raising Victor Vargas
Very sincere piece. The quality of the acting is really good despite the fact that amatuer actors were used. Heart-warming story about a teenager and the issues with growing up and family. I always feel that movies that portray issues surrounding teenage sexuality don't usually match up and it's difficult to not end up shooting something that could come off as sleazy or shocking. This film uses dark humour instead.

Last Life In the Universe
I feel alot for this movie. I am very impressed by how Pen-Ek Ratanaruang pulled this movie off in many ways. How did he manage to cast Asano Tadanobu in this movie? The cute pair of sisters that act in the movie are real-life sisters too. I have mention the fact that they shot this film in both Thailand and Japan. Slap cool cinematography (Christopher Doyle) and a beautiful soundtrack in and the result is this film. I love it.

Interestingly, I just found out that Tadanobu Asano also acts in a samurai film that I am looking forward to catching in this year's Singapore International Film Festival. Zatoichi.

I have said this to more than one person "The Last Samurai showcases American cultural imperialism at it's most oppressive".

If there's anyone who wants to catch a good samurai movie, I will highly recommend Yoji Yamada's Twilight Samurai instead. The bitter irony is that the lead actor in this film takes the role of Ujio in The Last Samurai.

A few points about the Last Samurai that makes it such utter crap.
- How does Ken Watanabe as an old school Samurai warrior know English to begin with? If he is such a hardcore warrior, he would have resisted picking up anything foreign in the first place.
- Samurais will NEVER pass on Kendo to someone who isn't in the samurai social strata, let alone a caucasian.
- The Boshin war is totally misportrayed. Even an anime series like Samurai X tries very hard to stick to the events of the Boshin war (Actually, I would recommend watching Samurai X too).

So whose culture is next for Hollywood to fuck around with?

Note to anyone that actually bothers to read this blog. There is a total disregard for linearity in this blog.

It's highly possible that this will be the earliest DJ interview that I will do. I was told to turn up at 11.30am.

What surprised me was the fact that five people were there to interview him. Although Bam (as he is affectionately known) is a legend, not many people here know of his music. Five is definitely a record so far.

I would usually ask to go last because it gives me leeway to stretch my interview. Unfortunately someone had already put his hand up to go last so I had to settle for second last.

We had to move from the hotel to Zouk's conference room. While waiting for the my turn I had a very interesting conversation with Bam's manager.

The manager lives in New York but she's actually English. Although she looks cute for her age, I am more impressed by how sincere and warm she is. The biggest amazement of all is the fact that she's white and she manages two of the biggest legends of black music.

We spoke about

New York
The rumours about the clampdown of clubs are true. Authorities in US are finding every excuse to shut clubs down, especially in New York. Since I would really like to visit New York someday, I asked her where I should go other than the touristy places. We also spoke about 'tagging' (spray paint art, better known as 'grafitti') on trains and the mood in New York after 9/11.

Herself
She told me that she used to run a Hip Hop club in New York called The Roxy a very long time ago (Yes, I do believe her).

Grandmaster Flash (another hiphop legend)
The other legend that she manages as well (big surprise)! Told her that I am keeping my fingers crossed that someday he will play in Singapore too. Maybe this gig would pave the way for Flash to come.

Singapore
Not forgetting the fact that she and Bam are spending the few days before the gig as tourists, she's asking me where she could go do some sightseeing.

Bambaataa
She told me Bam was very interested about finding out about the history of Singapore. It's really interesting to know that they really wanna to understand the roots of our people, how people came to settle here. Apparently, Bam wanted to visit a Buddhist temple and speak to a monk! I had to help manage her expectations tactfully. I explained: Firstly, most famous temples here are pretty touristy and you wouldn't find monks roaming around easily. Secondly, a monk wouldn't know who he is and will most probably be very guarded against speaking to a huge black man like him (he is bigger and taller than Moses Lim). It was really tricky trying to convey this to her because

1) Being their first trip to Singapore, how I communicate that to her would go on to form their perception of how Singaporeans are like.
2) Although I was very careful with my words, I had to be really sensitive so that there would never be a chance for them to misunderstand and think that it's a racist thing.

History of Singapore
I had to answer questions about Raffles coming here and I told her about Sang Nila Utama and the Merlion myth. I think this is the first time for me to have a foreigner asking me about stuff like that.

The interview could have been better and I guess I would have to do alot of post-interview "work" trying to put it into something that I can send in for print. I will see how Bam rocks his set in time to come.

How is it that a person can play a song for a hundred over times on repeat? I did, and that song is (I'm Still In Love With You) by Sean Paul.

It's quite rare to find a song that has such a good reggae feel (Sean Paul's slur) and a happy vibe (the horns). Luscious female vocals as well. Check out the video too!

I have a weird tradition. I only open up my last year's angpows after the 15th day of Chinese New Year this year. That means that I will forever keep one year worth of angpows which will be opened up next year. I drew inspiration for this idiosyncracy from Chinese idiom Nian1 Nian1 You3 Yu2.

I collected $336 from twenty eight angpows. That works out to an average of $12 per angpow. Angpow index anyone? I am sure we could measure inflation from here since my mum keeps telling me how angpows used to be $2.

This moolah would be used for me to buy a pair of new shoes if I land a new job. Comfort is extremely important for shoes that I wear for work. Though most dress-shoes that I saw look really good, I am going to settle for a pair of shoes which are extremely comfortable and doesn't look that good. It's not cheap either but I don't mind shelling out for shoes which I would wear for the most number of times in a week.

It's a pair of Camper.

UNKLE are going to be in town. No DJ Shadow but the new partner Richard File is going to be here. Apparently, James Lavelle has to prove that there is life after UNKLE without DJ Shadow - especially since relationship between the two has turned sour after the Psyence Fiction.

Since it's going to be a Green Room Sessions gig again, it's probably going to be freaking packed like the last Steve Cobby gig. Will I get pissed at the crowds again? We will see how it all comes out.

James Zabiela was playing on the second day of Chinese New Year and I only had energy to go see him play rather than prepare for the interview. So I scrapped it and decided that I should focus my energies on Afrika Bambaataa instead.

I remember how James Lavelle stopped to ask me if James Zabiela was spinning at Zoukout right after my interview with him. James Lavelle did not get to see his namesake in action because the original line-up for Zoukout was changed.

So I was there to see if James Zabiela is really worth his salt. I would say that he is pretty good - from his choice of tracks, his skills on the decks etc. Most importantly, I can tell that he is really having fun as he bounces around the DJ console. Let's hope that he comes back around again and I will try to hook up with him again then for an interview.

Next up on my hit list : James Zabiela and Afrika Bambaataa. I am really excited about meeting Afrika Bambaataa because he was one of the original hiphop pioneers together with Grandmaster Flash and Kool G Herc. And yes, that was before Eminem was even born.

The first DJ that I was going to interview in the year of 2004 is Richie Hawtin aka Plastikman.

This is not the first time he has been in Singapore. He spun at the very first Zoukout and I remember being there when he did his set.

I could tell that he wasn't feeling too good because he was coughing and groaning throughout the interview. He isn't incredibly warm but I guess he did well enough to finish the interview proper. It was actually one of the easier interviews that I have done because he didn't stray off the questions and he answered them straight to the point. This makes the transcribing alot easier. I have made no secret that I actually hate doing the transcribing.

Thanks to him, I do get to see the "International DJ attitude" in action. He checked himself out of his Copthorne suite just three hours before the gig and moved to Ritz Carlton instead! Best part is that he only informed Zouk when the damage was done. I remember the faces of bewilderment and digust on some of the local DJs around the table when the news broke.

To think that this was part of his answer to one of my questions : "...that was before all the international DJ hype, the money, the fame and the bullshit..."

Blogging is likely to be sporadic.

So I have arrived at the end of 2003.

Before myself is a struggle to find a new job. I felt liberated. I would never imagined that I would have felt so trapped over the last year until I made a decision to leave. I have never questioned whether it was a good decision in the first place. I just thought it was something that I had to do and I did it. I have only been looking out for the jobs which I think are suitable for me and I am thankful for the fact that my friends have been looking out for jobs for me. I think I should be back to work soon if the right opportunity comes along.

I haven't been using the time productively either. Because of my own crazy idea of limiting myself to five bucks a day, I haven't been going out much. There isn't really much to do outside anyway. I could have spent the time reading up to improve myself but I just lazed around everyday. It does get boring after a while. I have read one book so far and watched a few DVDs. Mummy is quite glad that I started tackling some housework on a selective basis. I do feel like an old sack of bones sometimes.

So how do I feel right now?

At ease. The irony is that I feel at ease with all this unassuring aimlessness. I believe there would come a time when pressures would set in and I would have to land some form of employment somehow. I know that the pressure wouldn't come from me because I have been living ever so frugally. I also believe that the reason I feel relaxed is because I have released all the pent up anger, pain and frustration that I have suppressed over the last three years.

"Art is about living, Money is about surviving"

I don't know how long it's going to take for me to land a new job. To gain trust from my folks and to stop them from nagging, I handed in six month's worth of allowance before I left my job.

Personally, I would think that my life on most fronts have been good other than the aspect of employment.

On friends -
I don't think I have made many new friends this year but I guess it's not important. What is important for me in 2003 is that the quality of most of my existing friendships have improved. I think a huge reason is that the people that I have been close to FINALLY accept the fact that I am different from everyone else. To be fair, I have been less intense with people over the year. Perhaps I can really be bothered anymore.

On myself -
My health is deteriorating and I feel quite helpless over it. I discovered that I couldn't ride a bicycle over a distance anymore because my back would be incredibly sore after that. What has this slipped disc condition stolen from me? Loads. First soccer, now bike riding.

I have been happier at myself for most of the time because I have learnt to take things alot more easily as compared to the past. Not that I have been more rational (well, I have always been rational), but I have been less emotional.

Relationships with my folks hasn't improved much. Why is it always so difficult?

Let's hope that 2004 is kinder to all of us.

The best line I have heard in a song this year, "Just coz you feel it, doesn't mean it's there." So good it made me tear.

(Where I End And You Begin) by Radiohead. Not that I have heard alot of new music this year but I think this is the best album I have heard this year.

So where do we go from here?

I know it's crazy but I have actually been living on five dollars a day. Since I am not having any income right now, it's just right that I practise some financial prudence right?

It's not been easy though. If I were to go out, transport costs alone would amount to at least two dollars. If there is a need for me to go out, I would try to squeeze in as many things as possible into one day so as to minimise the need of having to go out on different days. And if I have to, I will walk. Last week I walked all the way to the bank (total distance about eight kilometres I think) and back.

I have not been going out on weekdays so that I can spend a little more moolah on weekends if I have to go out. That is the way it has to be.

test

Went back to the office to clear up the stuff that I left behind. I think that carton must have weighed about twenty over kg!

The whole building just felt so alien to me when I was back there to pack up my things. To think that I have spent the last three years slogging away in that building from early morning to the wee hours of the night. It just felt so weird. There was a kind of bitter-sweet feeling which I don't quite know how to explain.

Yes! The Film Society is going to screen Lord of The Rings for their members on the 17th December 2003! Alright!

It's been quite a while since I blogged. Mainly because I have been busying

- handing over my job to the next person
- packing up my stuff in the office (there's really quite a bit)
- conducting Excel classes for my Marketing colleagues

The next person is very well-equipped to handle my job. He doesn't have the emotional baggage that I had to carry over the past three years. I like him. He's smart, patient, diligent and good-looking (it would be easier to get things done if you look pleasant). I cleared up everything so that he doesn't to hold on to some "time-bomb" that will explode in his hands much later. I also explained the "political minefield" around the office; who to get the buy-in's, who to avoid, how to present things to people etc. Lastly, I told him that he definitely has the potential to bring himself to a higher level. Before I left, I told him that he can call me anytime on my mobile if he needs any help. I really want to wish him all the best and thank him for making this transition so smooth.

Packing up has been crazy. Books, magazines, CDs, presents etc. I know it's crazy but my stuff is still in the office right now. I would need to get a car there and cart everything home.

I stayed back for two nights conducting two Excel classes for my colleagues. Some people thought that I was nuts to spend my own time to do this because I will not get anything out from this other than respect. They fail to understand the fact that I enjoy sharing knowledge. It wasn't classified rocket science that I was letting out. After everything, I was glad that my ex-colleagues now know how to handle Excel on their own because I am no longer there to help them crack it.

I would like to think that I am getting better at doing interviews. This time round, I was given an angle to work on. "Try to focus on Asia and make it lighthearted" was the cue. Personally, I would always go for these angles - influences, history, opinions and feelings, while trying to avoid being too technical. And Derrick May is really nice.

For someone that has been in the music business for the past twenty over years, I would say that he's awfully friendly. He faced a fresh-faced someone who hardly looks cool and still he gave his best shot at this interview. I am very touched by his sincerity especially since he could easily have granted over a thousand other such interviews over his DJ-ing life.

And it was also through him that I found out why Juan Atkins failed to turn up. According to Derrick May, Juan Atkins is diabetic and he could end up being very sick at times so he has no choice but to pull out from certain shows.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't club much. To many people I know, I seem to be always clubbing every other week. That is utterly wrong. I think I have been out clubbing less than fifteen times this year. It takes alot for me to want to go out clubbing and when I do club, I really hope to have a good night out. But that wasn't the case last night.

Last night was Steve Cobby from Fila Brazillia gracing the decks at Velvet Underground.

For some reason, my handphone chose to act up on me last minute and it's the second time that handphones has caused me great anguish on a rare night that I want to go out clubbing.

I remember how the screen of my 8210 died on me during Zoukout. My phone was the only way the Zouk folks could get in touch with me to tell me when and where to show up within the compound to do the interviews. There was no way I could have SMSed, told who called me, or simply call someone with that screwed handphone. Crap.

The 8250 that I am using now chose to give up on me last minute. On a night where I have to coordinate getting and passing invites to strangers with the hope that everyone would get to experience to magic of Steve Cobby. What I got in the end was friends getting really pissed/angry and me all vexed and wound up. Because I could only communicate through SMS and that SMS choosing to fail me too. It has caused great miscommunication that really pissed me and my good friend off. It's not hard to see how upset he was, as he left just after half an hour after the start of the gig.

Two friends left the gig after ten minutes because the place was too damn packed. Yes, it's a free gig but I would have paid my hard-earned money to watch him play. I was already crestfallen by the time the gig started. Why is it so difficult for me to have a good night out (spared from all the handphone jinxes)?

To be fair, the music was quite good though the mixing could have been better. I stayed for an hour with another friend and we decided to go off at 1.00am since both of us have to work the next day. So much for clubbing.

I must be nuts. I was mopping the house at 1.30am in the morning with Hip-hop playing in the background. I was trying to clean up the house so that my folks wouldn't nag at me when they come home on Wednesday evening.

Being the sneaker lover that I am, there's no way I would have missed the Sole Provider exhibition right? I love shoes. I love rare sneakers. I have written a long time ago about what vintage sneakers mean to me. Yes, I still have my Air Jordan 1, Air Jordan 3, Air Jordan 5. Amazingly, someone bought my old worned Air Jordan 4 for eighty bucks. The sole came off after the new owner wore it twice! I felt really bad and I wanted to pay the owner back his money. He declined and insisted that he wants to keep the shoe.

This exhibition is Nike showcasing the old basketball sneakers which they have produced over the years. I was really disappointed not to see a pair of Air Delta Force - which was the very first pair of Nike sneakers that I ever had. I told my friend that this would also be a time for people to "show off" their rare sneakers. I spotted people wearing really rare (expensive too) sneakers. I went on to give an analogy. Rare sneakers are like rare cars, people bring them out for show. No one parks a rare Ferrari at home.

There are also events that help to fuel the sneaker craze. If one looks closely at the what shoe Ying1 Mu4 Hua1 Dao4 is wearing in Slam Dunk, it's a pair of Air Jordan 6 (Hence Air Jordan 6 is hailed as the Ying1 Mu4 Hua1 Dao4 shoe). And of course, the silently handsome Liu2 Chuan1 Feng1 dons a pair of Air Jordan 5. Anyone with $300USD can try landing a pair off Ebay.

That explains why there's this friend who persistently tries to persuade me to sell him my Air Jordan 3 every time I see him. No way.

Bad news. Double shot bad news.

Been told by the magazine to scrap Steve Cobby because they had done something like that before. They also told me that my interview with Mark Farina is "crowded out" because it's too "old". Tough luck. Few nights ago, I cheekily asked a friend who also listens to Fila Brazillia to contribute a question. I guess my friend will never find out why their album is called 'Luck Be a Weirdo Tonight'.

So I told the magazine folks that I would be focussing my energy on doing Derrick May instead (22nd May 2003). Lets hope that this Detroit techno pioneer would not be as unprofessional as Juan Atkins. Derrick May, Juan Atkins and Kevin Saunderson are the legendary trio that spearheaded the whole Detriot techno movement about twenty years ago. Juan Atkins was supposed to play in Milieu and I was slated to interview him. He just abandoned the gig by not turning up and the interview was scrapped. I pity the club really. Interestingly, that would have been the only interview that I have done outside of Zouk's guest DJs. Though I was never really a big fan of Detriot techno, I am always interested in the movement behind the genre.

Let's see what comes out of this.

Bad news. Double shot bad news.

Been told by the magazine to scrap Steve Cobby because they had done something like that before. They also told me that my interview with Mark Farina is "crowded out" because it's too "old". Tough luck. Few nights ago, I cheekily asked a friend who also listens to Fila Brazillia to contribute a question. I guess my friend will find out why the album is called 'Luck Be a Weirdo Tonight'

So I told the magazine folks that I would be focussing my energy on doing Derrick May instead (22nd May 2003). Lets hope that this Detroit techno pioneer would not be as unprofessional as Juan Atkins. Derrick May, Juan Atkins and Kevin Saunderson are the legendary trio that spearheaded the whole Detriot techno movement about twenty years ago. Juan Atkins was supposed to play in Milieu and I was slated to interview him. He just abandoned the gig by not turning up and the interview was scrapped. I pity the club really. Interestingly, that would have been the only interview that I have done outside of Zouk's guest DJs. Though I was never really a big fan of Detriot techno, I am always interested in the movement behind the genre.

Let's see what comes out of this.

Still struggling with a painful neck/back while I am back at work. As expected, the work is piling up...

Took a while to look around my desk and it became apparent that I would have to cart home quite some stuff starting from next week.

Zoukbook - I don't usually buy coffee-table books but some of the people I interviewed are featured in the book. Plus the fact that the toy figurine that comes along with the book is pretty cute.

Speakers - plugged to my PC for playing music. Actually I was thinking if I should let someone else adopt them or bring them home.

Books - Four books left now. Some read, some half-read, some unread. I have already gave some books away to my colleagues.

CDs - Quite a few CDs to bring home. Roll-call
Spin Psyche, Mixmaster Mike (DJ from Beastie Boys)
Funny Break single, Orbital
Live at the Social Volume 1, Chemical Brothers (spare copy bought from 2nd hand shop in Bangkok)
Soulfood, various (under LTJ Bukem's Cookin' Records label)
The Private Press, DJ Shadow
Touching Down, Roni Size
Surfacing, Sarah McLachlan
Blazing Arrow, Blackalicious
Paris, The Cure
Juan Manuel, Plastilina Mosh
Fear of Fours, Lamb
Profound Sounds Volume 1, Josh Wink
In Full Gear, Stetsasonic

Magazines - Mostly URB magazine. This one is a pain. It's quite a stack now. I may not have a place to house them at home either.

Plus, other bits and pieces... (hard to categorise)

Maybe I should start with moving the CDs...

The walking wounded.

I woke up with a neck strain on Sunday. I can't turn or lift my head at all. Ever since I suffered a prolapsed disc since nineteen, my neck has been giving me problems very often. When I walk now, it's obvious that I stick my head out abnormally like some odd protrusion.

It hurts like hell.

Then I started to take stock of all my body defects.

Prolapsed disc
The most serious one. I remember that time when I couldn't even get out of bed. This also meant that I could never play soccer ever again as the swinging of my right leg would make my back hurt very badly afterwards.

Right ankle
I have sprained and injured it so many times that I have lost count. If I leave my ankle is a rest position for too long, I would feel as if my ankle is "frozen". It has a permanent swell but the swell is not as big as a sprained ankle. It hurts quite badly on it's own once in a while.

Knees
I don't know what is wrong but it has throbbing pain on its own.

Right waist
Must be too much mouse usage. But I suspected that a fall that I had when I was sixteen hurt it in some way. Like my knees, I feel throbbing pain too.

Left hand
My fourth finger and the portion below it often feels numb. Chinese sinseh told me that it's because my prolapsed disc has affected my spine and the nerves.

And I am only in my early 20s.

Washing machines are a wonderful modern invention.

Because it's hard doing handwashing! I tried to do that for all my work clothes and it was quite tiring. Mummy is away so I will have to do my own laundry.

Time to go put them out to dry now.

Next up. Next person to be grilled by me. That would be 26th November

Steve Cobby - one half of Fila Brazillia. Let's hope he agrees to be interviewed...

Something that made me happier this year was interviewing guests DJs that play in Singapore.

Since those people who picked up my LTJ Bukem/MC Conrad interview were quite happy with my interview so I just continued to contribute whenever I could. My criteria is really simple : I just need to like the DJ or his/her/their work and the freedom to do it my own way. So far, they have never made sweeping changes to whatever I have submitted.

The hits :

Sister Bliss
One half of Faithless. I actually did the interview in the car on my handphone while my brother was driving! Out of all the interviews that I have done, this one sucked the most because she just wanted to get it over and done with. She even suggested that I go pick up some past interviews from the Internet. No matter how bad my writing is, I will not compromise on journalistic integrity!

Pete Tong
Was actually a last minute thing but I was happy to help out. Since I usually spend quite some time planning the questions, I do feel that the quality of the interview suffered because of this. I only had like half and hour to come up with the questions. Very nice and obliging fellow despite him being a really famous personality in UK (tall and good looking too). Apart from the interview, we chatted. Amazing we discussed Talk to Her and soundtracks.

Joe Claussell
It's really great pleasure doing this one. Friendly, warm and humble despite being a legendary New York DJ. It was more like a friendly chat rather then an interview. He even put his arm over my shoulder while we tried to get a picture taken. It's a pity the picture didn't come out as the person taking it didn't operate the camera properly. He even asked me to call him if I ever visit New York.

What impressed me even more was the fact that he replied personally when I sent the pictures and the pdf file for the interview over to him.

Mark Farina
Friendly guy who doesn't really look his age. Rather animated. Apart from the interview, I had fun chatting with him as well. It was such a long interview that I had difficulty transcribing it and chopping it down.

The misses :

Talvin Singh
He turned down the interview.

DJ Shadow
DJ Shadow! Yes! DJ f**king Shadow. The one that got away, thanks to SARs. I had an appointment set up already and I was so close to meeting up with him. I was given a slot in the afternoon and I was even preparing to go on leave just to do this. I got a call just one day before with the bad news - that he's not coming after all because of SARs. Till today, I still have the invite that was sent out for this event. As a memento.

DJ Krush
Slated to come in two weeks after DJ Shadow. SARs did it again!

Jazzanova
Only one guy from the group turned up and poor guy lost his records on the plane.

Stereo MCs
To the best interests of everyone (Zoukout, the mag and myself), I was told not to conduct the interview even when I had already prepared for it. Complicated.

I did get to sit in with the interviews with Gus Gus and Dirty Vegas. Gus Gus was alot of fun to hang out with. I had alot of fun pictures taken with them. I think people from Nordic countries are alot more relaxed than most people.

James Lavelle
Night two of Zoukout. He was visibly tired because he was jetting around doing gigs and it was already past midnight when I caught him. Personally I felt like it was the best interview I had ever conducted. The pace, the depth, the questions and how I steered it. I had been forewarned by alot of people about how he tends to be aloof and taciturn during interviews. Plus the fact that he was tired and the partyground at Zoukout with music booming all around you isn't the most conducive place for an interview.

He got interested immediately when I chatted to him about collecting toys and sneakers (he is a big on them) after the interview. I managed to get a picture taken with him as well.

Why was it a miss then? My heart really broke when I found out a few hours later that the recorder didn't work too well during the interview and nothing was recorded! So the whole interview went up into thin air and this was the interview that never got published because I was too upset to even try to piece it together from memory. Sister Bliss yes (handphone remember?), but not James Lavelle. Nonetheless, it was a pleasure meeting him in person.

Laurent Garnier & Galliano
Prepared the interview but I couldn't do it because of a timing problem. I can't do a proper interview in fifteen minutes for two solid DJs so I scrapped it. I heard they went on to play a really good set.

Target List :

Who I would really like to meet/interview
Goldie
Kruder & Dorfmeister
Thievery Corporation
DJ Shadow (yes, another chance please)
Orbital

list goes on...

One of the reasons why I haven't hated the movie Rage so much is because the music in the film was really good. It's a pity Jah Wobble did such great music for such a crappy film.

The music for Tokyo Eyes was even better. Produced and supervised by Xavier Jamaux who also records as Ollano (on Shadow Records). I have previously bought stuff from Shadow Records and they are always very good.

Yes, music that I listen to will seem obscure to most people. Whenever I engage in conversations about music with people, it seems that I do scare people off when I rattle off about the stuff that I listen to and overload them with details - like some Japanese "otaku".

I have been very hooked on Accuradio's Hiptronica channel recently because the tunes they broadcast are really really good. I have never listened to so much Hip Hop in my life before. It's mostly Hip Hop that isn't played on MTV or local radio. I have heard of most of the artists being played but their stuff aren't usually available readily in Singapore. When I interviewed Mark Farina (San Francisco DJ), we shared the same sentiment about how good Hip Hop doesn't even get played anymore while acts like Eminem and 50cent give the masses the misconception of Hip Hop.

I will never look like someone who listens to Hip Hop. Not even if I try.

There are three people working for me on a temporary basis. Since the program that I am handling is ending soon. Tommorrow will be their last day.

They have been with me for about two months. It's a boring job (mainly data entry) but I spent my own time with them to involve them in more interesting work so that they have something to take with them. I had promised them that I would help them to look for "continued" employment and I was happy that another team agreed to absorb them after tommorrow.

It's the birthday of one of them and we chose to have lunch at Fish & Co. The first time I dined there I noticed that the staff did a special sing and cheer thing for the birthday girl/boy so I requested for them to do the same for the birthday girl. It was fun! They lit a sparkler and asked the birthday girl hold it while they did the singing/cheering. After that they served her ice-cream!

I will miss them, and I really hope they will go on to find real jobs soon.

I am quite surprised that I didn't fall asleep during the midnight movie marathon. The turnout was pretty good. Cheekily, I was really curious to know how many people will last till the end but I think about eighty percent of the people made it to the last movie.

About the crowd. There were alot of cute girls there! I was remarking to my friend that I was very impressed by the fact that girls seem to be more capable for finding their own intellectual stimulation. I usually attend film festivals on my own but I told my friend that I would not have gone for a midnight marathon alone so I was glad I had company. I would have felt really out of place otherwise.

Movie One - Embrassez qui vous voudrez (See How They Run)
Interesting movie that is very well-paced. Much like a dark comedy which only the French could make. I have seen French movies similar to this one and I enjoyed them. Thought it was very good programming to put this movie on first to engage everyone.

Movie Two - Une femme de menage (A Housekeeper)
I was quite lost on this one. The open-ending ending was anti-climatic and ambigious. Not much character development and the plot isn't fantastic either.

Movie Three - Tanguy
This film was sold out for it's own solo screening and was a big favourite when it was shown as part of the EU Film Festival. Though I found the story to be a little ludicrous, I enjoyed the witty dialogue and the "dramatized" humour. I think this should have been the film which most people have stayed up to watch for this movie marathon.

Last Movie - Fureur (Rage)
I normally don't hate movies, but I hated this! To think that I almost paid to watch it on it's own. Very weak ripoff of a Hong Kong movie that was pretty good. Lang4 Man4 Feng1 Bao4 (Someone Up There Likes Me) which had Aaron Kwok playing a boxer who unintentionally kills his girlfriend's brother in a boxing match. This is proof that not all East-West collaborations work (this was a Thai-French collaboration).

By the time we stepped out, it was already bright daylight. The ticket stub allows for one to redeem a coffee and croissant (reward for lasting through the night I suppose) but I suggested going for prata instead. So it was egg/cheese prata at Fong Seng right after.

I only slept three hours since I couldn't really sleep. Hope I don't fall asleep while catching Tokyo Eyes later in the evening.

I wonder whats with me and long lost friends.

Just last night, I spoke to someone whom I have lost touch for six years. Last I heard her voice was six years ago, before she left for Boston.

She's changed a great deal. Six years ago, she was really passionate about music. She made her own music (does AIFF ring a bell? Her tune got featured in one of BigO's CDs), enjoyed music tremendously and hung around with her musician friends. Once she invited me to her house for some gathering just right before her departure and I remember how I took over her stereo to play the tunes that I bought along with me.

I played : Mazzy Stars' (Fade Into You), Chemical Brothers' (Loops of Fury), Orbital's (Time Flies) etc. How time really flies.

Now she is back in Singapore and she told me that she's given up on music. She doesn't make music anymore, doesn't listen to much music now, doesn't hang out with "the music types" at all (words hers) though she makes a living as a music teacher. Yes, to each her own but I did feel sad when she told me how she's changed in relation to music. Although I felt like as though some part of her died, she told me that she's happier now and that she's really contented with her life right now. For that, I felt glad for her.

I don't know whether I will change like she did. But I hope that the music in me doesn't die. It's music that has been with me through the best and worst moments in my life. In many ways, it's been like an "intangible friend". Never too far away from me and always reliable (unlike people). This probably explains why I am more cynical of people than I am of music.

Catch

"Yeah I know who you remind me of"
"A girl I think I used to know"
"Yeah I'd see her when the days got colder"
"On those days when it felt like snow"

"You know I even think that she stared like you"
"She used to just stand there and stare"
"And roll her eyes right up to heaven"
"And make like I just wasn't there"

"And she used to fall down a lot'"
"That girl was always falling"
"Again and again"
"And I used to sometimes try to catch her"
"But never even caught her name"

"And sometimes we would spend the night"
"Just rolling about on the floor"
"And I remember even though it felt soft at the time"
"I always used to wake up sore..."

"You know I even think that she smiled like you"
"She used to just stand there and smile"
"And her eyes would go all sort of far away"
"And stay like that for quite a while"

"And I remember she used to fall down a lot"
"That girl was always falling"
"Again and again"
"And I used to sometimes try to catch her"
"But never even caught her name"

"Yeah I sometimes even tried to catch her"
"But never even caught her name"

Now playing: The Cure on Friday. Wonderful. Especially when it's a recording of their live performance in Paris.

Friendster!

Few months ago I read about the "phenomenon" which the URB editor wrote about. Yes, it was Friendster he chose to write about on his Diatribe column.

Taking stock of the "evolution of communication modes in the online world". When I first had internet access, everyone I met was exchanging email addresses and that was it. People emailing each other incessantly and soon I hated it because chain mails started flowing. I am proud of the fact that I never sent any chain mail and every single email that I wrote since then was sincere and personal. I remember how I used to write such long intense emails to my friends that burned me out. Since then, I haven't been writing much to people. Most emails I write these days are enquiries for online purchases or me commenting on how I am impressed with someone's art (check out www.freddic.com).

Then came ICQ. Amazing as it allows you to be in touch with people who are either faraway or really busy. However, ICQ messages are very "intermittent" and "disruptive" (especially when you are getting something done or focusing your attention on something). Most people on my list has gone MIA somehow. I never tried any other incarnations of ICQ so I wouldn't know how they function.

Sparkmatch.com (now defunct I think) had something that was quite similar to Friendster. It creates "your profile" after you answer a series of questions and you can post your picture up too. The other people can then choose to get in touch with you by leaving you messages which will be sent to your "profile". Never really interested me because I never took those Sparks' tests seriously. I always had more fun laughing at the results of those psychological tests.

Not long after, came the blogging revolution (if you are reading this now, you are part of it). It really brought out the writers that reside in people.

Of course, the Friendster wagon is here now. I joined because one of my close friends kept bugging me to try it out. As most of my real life friends are not too plugged to the Net, the number of "friends" that I have on Friendster is quite miserable. I made one observation - people who look good seem to have alot of "friends". Hundred over friends? Three hundred over friends? How true are these friends? However, I do find the bulletin function to be really useful and I will make full use of that to alert people of events coming up.

I noticed that most people on Friendster are mostly younger than me (between eighteen to twenty-five) and they hooked themselves all up with their JC classmates, university school-mates etc. In some way, I do feel old - most of my friends back from school are mostly married or not so hooked up to the net with the exception of a few.

I don't know whether Friendster will be a fad or not. I am sure something new might come along. I wouldn't be trying to make "new friends" from Friendster, not when I already suck at people in real life.