I have never felt the need to be so alone in my life before.

There's this marketing partner whom I used to work with way back and we ended up being friends as time went by. She was kind enough to ask me out for "drinks" (I am a zero-alcohol person hence the " ") and she close a popular place near my office. It was packed and everyone looked happy and so ready to party even though it's a Wednesday's night.

I felt bad that I had to excuse myself after an hour because I had to get back to the office to get some work done. But I also realised that I actually just wanted to be left to my own devices...

I have never been afraid of loneliness or being seen "being alone". I have gone to clubs by myself, to screenings by myself and even to concerts by myself. I remember times when I went on for months being by myself while some would embarassed even to be seen doing something by themselves.

And I am writing this while Accuradio is playing Radiohead's (How to Disappear Completely).

This is not a professional film review, but by someone who caught the film as a normal film-goer. This part rung on me...

On (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind),

"What I really admire about the movie is the theme of it, and that is that just because a relationship doesn't work out in the end, it doesn't mean that it was time wasted. Sure, there are certain memories we wish would go away somehow, but how would that change us as a person if we could do such a thing? We learn from our experiences; from the good and the bad. That's how we mature as human-beings..."

So what's "keeping it real"?

Ice-T talking about "keeping it real". What's real? He's no longer in the ghettos and I am sure he commands a huge fee for his little visit to Zouk. Why's he talking about bitches, about what kinda sex he's getting and "need for some serious pussy"? Would it be "real" if you were still living "straight outta Compton" (pun intended) and not deciding to cut an album while "some bitch is rimming your ***". Would you still make music for free if we told you that was what "keeping it real" meant to us?

Yes, maybe it will never be the same because Hip-hop is the most popular musical genre on planet earth now. "Keeping it real" with all that money, fame and women?

I am not pissed that he declined all interviews (including MTV and Straits Times) as I wouldn't know if he would have anything meaningful to say anyway.

喜中带忧,暗中有光
怎么度,怎么量
田野
山岗
美丽之下的凄凉

(无常) 王菲

Beautifully oxymoronic.

Another carpark rooftop party. The last rooftop party was at Shaw (Beach Road), the heat and humidity really put the crowd off. Since the venue wasn't really meant for partying, the crowd's dancing made the concrete floor vibrate. It really made alot of people feel like the ground was going to give way and they will all die in the Singapore's first and worst clubbing disaster.

This time round, they installed giant fans and the ground below didn't wobble. It felt surreal - when you stare upwards from the top deck of the Market Street carpark. This feeling of you being surrounded by all the other tall buildings and music. This concrete jungle.

The music was a throwback to all the parties I used to go to in the mid-nineties. That bigbeat sound. You will almost never hear (Voodoo People) in a DJ set these days but it came on.

Maybe Bentley Rythmn Ace (BRA) aren't the best DJs around, but I had good fun. Their mixing wasn't top class but the tunes made up for it. And the big surprise was that Freestylers chose to do a liveset instead.

I haven't been going out for lunch for much of the week. Just feel like staying in the office to blog. I must say that I have really grown to like the peace and quiet stillness.

While I was thinking of Ozu's quote yesterday, it bought back memories of (Cafe Lumiere)《咖啡时光》, film by Hou Hsiao Hsien 侯孝賢 to mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of director Yasujiro Ozu. To me, what's so amazing about the film is that it's in Japanese and shot entirely in Japan directed by a Taiwanese director who doesn't even know the Japanese language. By concieving such a film, he demonstrated that he understood Ozu's work - mainly films about winds of change in the Japanese society and how it impacts the modern Japanese family.

Beneath the subtleness of the film through it's long takes and exquisite cinematography lies the unexpressed yet imposing intensity of human relationships (friendship, family ties).

Definitely not a film for the masses, but this film touched me a great deal. I had grown to hold this film very close to my heart as the subject matter depicted in the film was played out in my real life just weeks after catching it. Though I will not openly talk about the events that surrounded my life but it had a great deal to do with Japan and such strong (and uncanny) resemblance to the main theme of the film. It was then when I both realised and appreciated how "apparent" the film was.

No, I didn't just want to watch this just because of Tadanobu Asano.

This ain't written by me. It's written by someone else over eleven years ago.

... on people.

A lot of us are just skimming the surface of life, colliding with one another but afraid to connect, afraid to care. If we lose all our money we can always start over. But if we get hurt, that's another story.

How true is that?

Waking up early to finish transcribing the Kid Koala interview. I must not let my emotions get in the way of doing a good job for what I love. Even if no one reads it, at least I have done my best.

I hope that they will give me more time so that I can write a proper blurb for Nowax.

Wanting to watch (The Skywalk is Gone)《天桥不见了》 (Tsai Ming Liang 蔡明亮's sequel to (What Time Is It There?)《你那边几点》), I had to sit through the docu-movie May Day The Wings Of Dream《五月天的搖滾本事》 because the SIFF folks lumped the two shows together.

That was how I first heard May Day 五月天's music. Sad to say, the so-called docu-movie was so self-promotional in nature so the only thing I appreciated about it was the music.

That's also how I got acquainted with 《终结孤单》.

I really can't wait to catch the bizarre ending - the installment after (The Skywalk is Gone)《天桥不见了》 titled (The Wayward Cloud)《天边一朵云》 during next year's SIFF.

《终结孤单》

你就把你自己锁起来,实在是太不应该
心情好心情坏,怎么开始怎么办
你有的不爽,让我来分担
everything gonna be alright
tomorrow will be fine
太阳依然灿烂,地球继续转
有我的陪伴,你再也不孤单
music!

五月天

Books, music and film - my dear friends. This is the time that I need you guys the most...

The very first CD I have ever bought in my life is the single of this song. I have had the CD for twelve years now.

Through the most difficult times of my emotional life in the past ten years, I've always had this song around me. Just yesterday, I ripped it and put the MP3 on auto-repeat. Yes, this tune is going to find it's way into my Ipod.

I am not embarassed to admit now that there were two people that I sang my very own "unplugged" version to. You know who you are... I am quite certain that there wouldn't be a third person...

Stay (Faraway, So Close!)

Green light, Seven Eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now, check your change
Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Hey babe, is that what it is

Red lights, gray morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depends on who's around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk shows

And if you look, you look through me
And when you talk, you talk at me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...and the day would keep its trust
Stay...and the night would be enough

Faraway, so close
Up with the static and the radio
With satellite television
You can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans
London, Belfast and Berlin

And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...then the day would keep its trust
Stay...with the demons you drowned
Stay...with the spirit I found
Stay...and the night would be enough

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground

Just the bang
And the clatter
As an angel
Hits the ground

Faraway, So Close! is actually a film by Wim Wenders, a sequel to Wings Of Desire. When my heart has room for it, I will watch the DVD of both the films.

The angel has hit the ground...