It isn't happening. The switch. After holding my breath for so long, my face is now blue. Why is it so difficult for me? I have been in this situation for four years now. Other than swallowing my pride to go on, is there something I can do to ease myself?

So why I am struggling? Because of my stubborn refusal to "play the game"? Or is it simply just bad karma? The harsh truth is that the modern workplace rewards good perception management.
I have seen people knowing and doing much lesser than me who are getting their rewards. Here I am not looking for any reward of any sort but I have actually been cast into a bad light.

No, I am not jealous. I am just bitter. Sometimes I feel so stripped of my dignity that I just get all wound up and convulse. I am sure the boat is not going to turn around and I probably have no choice but to choose to leave.