Sometimes what you are looking out for is just right in front of you.

I caught the my last French Film Festival movie. An light-hearted comedy called Ball and Chain. I told my friend that I had very huge expectations of this one but I shall be honest to say that it didn't really shake my world.

I was at the pump when I heard this tune. It took me a while to figure out the muffled chorus - "French kissing in the USA, French kissing in the USA..." I really like the tune and I told myself that I would look out for it on the Internet someday.

While I was driving, I was telling my friend that I have been becoming increasingly unhappy because I am really getting out of touch with the things that really matter to me (i.e books, music). Went on to tell him how I missed getting on a high with music while I told him that the last time I spun that particular CD was more than three years ago. The tune from (How to Operate a Blown Mind) by the Lo-Fidelity Allstars, (I Used To Fall In Love) - the piano tune mashed with noisy guitar just seems uncharacterisically calming to me.

Last night, I tried looking for "French kissing in the USA" and it turned out that it was actually Deborah Harry did the song (better known as Debbie "Maria, you gotta see her" Harry, the famous female vocal of Blondie). Was really a pleasant surprise when I found out that the song was actually on one of those cheap sale CDs that I have bought four years ago but never really bothered to play. I quickly took the CD out and put that track on repeat.

The wails of Debbie Harry in that song is one of the only few things that stops me from feeling unhappy.

Sometimes what you are looking out for is really just right in front of you.

Yes, I am losing my blogging touch. In my opinion, I really think that this blog is pathetic. It's more like a channel for me to vent myself out.

I am depressed. I guess the only time I haven't been depressed is when I am trying to make others happy in whichever way I could. The only thing that I have done that fits that is the fact that I have brought one colleague, one business partner and one friend to some of the movies screened under the French Film Festival's banner. I am just depressed at everything - work, work, more work, workplace, more workplace, relationships with others, my inertia, money etc etc.

The other thing that has remotely made me happy is catching the Initial D series. For those who don't know, it's an anime series about street racing (which my friend remarked how marketable it has been to the Ah-bengs). Some of the not so bengish tunes in the shows are actually quite nice. There was also this gig by Concord Dawn that I went to last Saturday. I haven't heard such good drum 'n' bass for a while and the irony lies at how such cacophony actually calms me down. Would they be the next rising stars in the drum 'n' bass arena? I hope so.

Do we all cry at beautiful things?

I do, in my own private moments. I teared when I watched the beauty of Wayne Rooney's strike which ended Arsenal's unbeaten run. That's me and perhaps that's why I need my own private moments for myself. As the commentator correctly pointed, that goal would go down in the Evertonian folklore (even though I am a supporter for the other football team in Merseyside across Stanley Park).

I told my boss that I am at the stage where I described it as "diminishing returns". I find myself putting in so much more and getting lesser and lesser in terms of results, job satisfaction etc. It doesn't help that I feel that I have been compromised in terms of pay, dignity and compassion. I am at the point when I am even ready to leave without a job, to leave some of my wonderful colleagues behind. I felt that I had to leave this comfort zone knowing that the job market out there isn't forgiving at all. I should reach a decision on this in the next one or two weeks.

I am beginning to feel that I really suck at human relationships and that I should just pack up and shut everyone out.

"I got three words, I got three words for whose ever fucking idea this was alright - It's not I LOVE YOU, it's LEAVE US ALONE" - (Dark Days, Spoken For Mix) DJ Shadow.