So I have arrived at the end of 2003.

Before myself is a struggle to find a new job. I felt liberated. I would never imagined that I would have felt so trapped over the last year until I made a decision to leave. I have never questioned whether it was a good decision in the first place. I just thought it was something that I had to do and I did it. I have only been looking out for the jobs which I think are suitable for me and I am thankful for the fact that my friends have been looking out for jobs for me. I think I should be back to work soon if the right opportunity comes along.

I haven't been using the time productively either. Because of my own crazy idea of limiting myself to five bucks a day, I haven't been going out much. There isn't really much to do outside anyway. I could have spent the time reading up to improve myself but I just lazed around everyday. It does get boring after a while. I have read one book so far and watched a few DVDs. Mummy is quite glad that I started tackling some housework on a selective basis. I do feel like an old sack of bones sometimes.

So how do I feel right now?

At ease. The irony is that I feel at ease with all this unassuring aimlessness. I believe there would come a time when pressures would set in and I would have to land some form of employment somehow. I know that the pressure wouldn't come from me because I have been living ever so frugally. I also believe that the reason I feel relaxed is because I have released all the pent up anger, pain and frustration that I have suppressed over the last three years.

"Art is about living, Money is about surviving"

I don't know how long it's going to take for me to land a new job. To gain trust from my folks and to stop them from nagging, I handed in six month's worth of allowance before I left my job.

Personally, I would think that my life on most fronts have been good other than the aspect of employment.

On friends -
I don't think I have made many new friends this year but I guess it's not important. What is important for me in 2003 is that the quality of most of my existing friendships have improved. I think a huge reason is that the people that I have been close to FINALLY accept the fact that I am different from everyone else. To be fair, I have been less intense with people over the year. Perhaps I can really be bothered anymore.

On myself -
My health is deteriorating and I feel quite helpless over it. I discovered that I couldn't ride a bicycle over a distance anymore because my back would be incredibly sore after that. What has this slipped disc condition stolen from me? Loads. First soccer, now bike riding.

I have been happier at myself for most of the time because I have learnt to take things alot more easily as compared to the past. Not that I have been more rational (well, I have always been rational), but I have been less emotional.

Relationships with my folks hasn't improved much. Why is it always so difficult?

Let's hope that 2004 is kinder to all of us.

The best line I have heard in a song this year, "Just coz you feel it, doesn't mean it's there." So good it made me tear.

(Where I End And You Begin) by Radiohead. Not that I have heard alot of new music this year but I think this is the best album I have heard this year.

So where do we go from here?

I know it's crazy but I have actually been living on five dollars a day. Since I am not having any income right now, it's just right that I practise some financial prudence right?

It's not been easy though. If I were to go out, transport costs alone would amount to at least two dollars. If there is a need for me to go out, I would try to squeeze in as many things as possible into one day so as to minimise the need of having to go out on different days. And if I have to, I will walk. Last week I walked all the way to the bank (total distance about eight kilometres I think) and back.

I have not been going out on weekdays so that I can spend a little more moolah on weekends if I have to go out. That is the way it has to be.

test

Went back to the office to clear up the stuff that I left behind. I think that carton must have weighed about twenty over kg!

The whole building just felt so alien to me when I was back there to pack up my things. To think that I have spent the last three years slogging away in that building from early morning to the wee hours of the night. It just felt so weird. There was a kind of bitter-sweet feeling which I don't quite know how to explain.

Yes! The Film Society is going to screen Lord of The Rings for their members on the 17th December 2003! Alright!

It's been quite a while since I blogged. Mainly because I have been busying

- handing over my job to the next person
- packing up my stuff in the office (there's really quite a bit)
- conducting Excel classes for my Marketing colleagues

The next person is very well-equipped to handle my job. He doesn't have the emotional baggage that I had to carry over the past three years. I like him. He's smart, patient, diligent and good-looking (it would be easier to get things done if you look pleasant). I cleared up everything so that he doesn't to hold on to some "time-bomb" that will explode in his hands much later. I also explained the "political minefield" around the office; who to get the buy-in's, who to avoid, how to present things to people etc. Lastly, I told him that he definitely has the potential to bring himself to a higher level. Before I left, I told him that he can call me anytime on my mobile if he needs any help. I really want to wish him all the best and thank him for making this transition so smooth.

Packing up has been crazy. Books, magazines, CDs, presents etc. I know it's crazy but my stuff is still in the office right now. I would need to get a car there and cart everything home.

I stayed back for two nights conducting two Excel classes for my colleagues. Some people thought that I was nuts to spend my own time to do this because I will not get anything out from this other than respect. They fail to understand the fact that I enjoy sharing knowledge. It wasn't classified rocket science that I was letting out. After everything, I was glad that my ex-colleagues now know how to handle Excel on their own because I am no longer there to help them crack it.

I would like to think that I am getting better at doing interviews. This time round, I was given an angle to work on. "Try to focus on Asia and make it lighthearted" was the cue. Personally, I would always go for these angles - influences, history, opinions and feelings, while trying to avoid being too technical. And Derrick May is really nice.

For someone that has been in the music business for the past twenty over years, I would say that he's awfully friendly. He faced a fresh-faced someone who hardly looks cool and still he gave his best shot at this interview. I am very touched by his sincerity especially since he could easily have granted over a thousand other such interviews over his DJ-ing life.

And it was also through him that I found out why Juan Atkins failed to turn up. According to Derrick May, Juan Atkins is diabetic and he could end up being very sick at times so he has no choice but to pull out from certain shows.